


Lighthouse

by RemyJane



Series: I Don’t Know Where I Was (So Glad You Found Me) [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Dark with a happy ending, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Boys, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 05:45:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16570766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemyJane/pseuds/RemyJane
Summary: Nicky closed his eyes. He could still hear distant growling. But maybe that was his imagination. “I can see ghosts.” He whispered.“That’s all?” Alex asked, unimpressed.“Fuck you.” Nicky sat up slowly.———In which Nicky is a little (lot) bit haunted, but things get better eventually.





	Lighthouse

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a shorter, different fic. It got wildly out of hand, what can I say. Read and enjoy! 
> 
> Rated mature for mentioned violence and language. (Warnings at the end, with mild spoilers)

Nicklas first noticed when he was very young, maybe three or four. Well, more accurately, his family noticed that the youngest Backstrom had a host of ‘imaginary’ friends who seemed to know a lot of family history. 

History was littered with people with skills and abilities beyond the realm of the physical world. Once upon a time, they were honored as shamans; later, they were executed or burned alive. In modern times, they were more or less left to their own devices. Nicky preferred it that way. Many people had a ‘gift’, as it was said, without even realizing it. 

Lucky, they were called. Some were more pronounced, some could see into the future, or into the past. 

Nicky wasn’t lucky. Nicky couldn’t see things that had happened long ago, or things that had not yet come to pass. Instead, Nicky could see spirits, the souls left behind. 

It...it wasn’t always helpful. 

Scratch that. 

It was rarely helpful and often inconvenient and whenever anyone talked about all psychic abilities as a ‘gift’ Nicky had to bite his tongue. Whenever someone referred to him as ‘sensitive’ he wanted to ask if they’d ever had a spirit drain their energy away from them. 

It didn’t feel good, that was for sure. 

Luckily, in hockey, there were few spirits. Rinks were mostly new construction, with very few deaths. There were some exceptions; no one had thought to check under the arena in St. Louis and several angry spirits lurked inside, unhappy and malcontent. Nicky would be surprised if the team ever won a Stanley Cup with that kind of energy around them. 

St. Louis aside, most of the time, Nicky had to deal with very few spirits. This was good, because he wasn’t particularly fond of them. To be fair, they didn’t necessarily like him either. 

Ghosts could tell who could sense them and who couldn’t. Strong emotions rolled off them like a pungent odor or a blast of sound, rattling Nicky through to the bone. It was unsettling. They could talk to him, but it took a lot of energy and newer spirits weren’t very good at it. Older, more powerful entities could make the ground shake, if they wanted. They didn’t need a sensitive person to get their message across. 

The Caps practice rink was mostly safe. Any spirits inside were typically flitting through, following a person rather than wandering aimlessly. Some of them Nicky recognized, like Marcus’s grandmother, who hung around once in a while and smiled at him when he skated by the glass. Some of them he didn’t know, like the man that appeared in the shadows, there one moment and gone the next. 

He tried to forget about him, focusing on Marcus’s grandmother instead. 

Nicky tried to keep the information he learned to himself; in fact, he kept the fact that he was sensitive to himself too. People who knew asked too many questions and Nicky wasn’t sure that knowing what their loved ones were doing would make people feel better. 

So, Nicky knew about Alex’s brother long before Alex told him the story, a sad tale weaved over a bottle of vodka. 

Sergei followed Alex fairly often, checking in on him, cheering him on. Nicky liked Sergei; he always brought a wave of warm joy and fond pride. The days Sergei was nearby, Alex was always a little extra happy. 

Sergei also never tried to talk to Nicky, which he appreciated immensely. Sometimes, Sergei would glance at him meaningfully, but Nicky didn’t know why. Still, Sergei didn’t seem unhappy, so he probably didn’t need Nicky’s help. 

Lots of spirits needed help. Sometimes, they were lost or confused. Sometimes, they had questions or wanted to tell people things. Sometimes they were just stubborn and needed to told to leave and move on. 

Wherever they moved onto wasn’t through a one-way only door, though. They could move back and forth between planes. The first time was the hardest though, for new spirits; almost like they didn’t know the way. 

Darker, evil spirits existed too. Nicky wasn’t strong enough to contend with them but, theoretically, someday he could be. 

Nicklas didn’t want that, though. He just wanted to play hockey. 

The team was suppose to go to a haunted house for team bonding and Alex told him he had to go when he tried to get out of it. “You scared, Nicky?” He’d teased playfully. “Scared of ghosts?” 

Sergei had laughed at that and smiled at Nicky, and Nicky tried to keep a straight face. “I don’t like haunted houses.” He shrugged. 

“Don’t worry, I hold your hand.” Alex assured him with a flirtatious smile, squeezing his arm. 

So, Nicky found himself with Mike being led by the hand through a haunted house. It was well done, admittedly, but it was in an old hospital and it was crawling with more actual ghosts than actors. Actual ghosts that weren’t exactly happy with the hundreds of people coming through on a nightly basis. 

Nicky wasn’t scared of people dressed as ghosts; he’d read the paperwork and they couldn’t touch him. The residential spirits, on the other hand, had no such legal document preventing them from fully expressing themselves. 

Nicky felt sick, a familiar sensation. There were deeply apoplectic spirits that wanted them out. Their energies were dark, dangerous, clinging to Nicky like so many spider webs. 

He didn’t want to cause a scene. He didn’t. He just...he wasn’t very good at defending himself from spirits; he didn’t have much practice. Theoretically, you could learn to shield yourself, or maybe pray, but Nicky couldn’t. 

“Are you ok?” Mike asked, tugging at his arm. Across the room a little girl was crying for her mother and it had taken Nicky a moment to realize she wasn’t alive, wasn’t part of the show. Her fear saturated him, paralyzing him momentarily. 

“I…” he felt darkness creeping into the room, swirling in the corners and the little girl fled. There was something immensely bad coming and Nicky wanted to get away too. 

“Nick.” Mike shook him gently. “You ok, bud?” He stepped closer, an arm coming up to rest on the wall, effectively caging Nicky in and shielding him momentarily. 

“Sorry.” Nicky said, forcing a smile. “I’m fine.”

By the end of the attraction, he had a pounding headache and he felt like he could sleep for days. “Now pizza!” Alex declared happily. 

Nicky thought they were bonded enough; Tom and Mike Latta hadn’t even let go of each other yet. 

The pizza place was only a few blocks away, so they walked. Nicky listened to Mike and Alex talk over him about the haunted house. Nicky had picked a favorite part that he was 90% sure hadn’t been an actual ghost, but his thoughts had been pretty blurry by the end. Maybe no one would ask him. 

No one did, and he finally got to sit down when they got to the pizza parlor. “Fuck, Nicky, what did you do to your face?” Marcus asked, surprised, sitting down across from him. 

Nicky looked up, surprised. “What?”

“You have a couple scratched on your cheek. Did you walk into something?” Marcus frowned at him. 

“Let me see.” Mike touched his face, prompting him to turn. He winced, tracing his fingers over the scratch. “Ouch. That looks like it bled, a bit.” 

“Let me see.” 

Mike took a picture on his phone and showed it to Nicky. He had three thin scratches down his cheek, starting to turn dark red and scab up. “No one touched you, right?” Mike asked, looking concerned. 

“Uh, no. I don’t think so.” Nicky shrugged. “Maybe I just...I don’t know.”

“It looks too small to be your nails.” Mike said. 

“He bites his anyway.” Marcus said, smirking. 

Nicky pulled his sleeves down over his hands. Marcus was right; his nails were too short, too bitten down to do that kind of damage. 

“It almost looks like claws.” Mike said. 

Nicky looked down at his lap. “Maybe I bumped into something.”

“With your face?” Mike countered. 

“Who’s face?” Alex asked, sitting down beside them. 

“Nicky has scratches on his face.” Marcus explained. 

Alex frowned and grabbed Nicky’s chin roughly to turn his head, inspecting the marks for himself. “Someone do this? They not suppose to touch.” Alex said, starting to look upset. 

“No one touched me.” Nicky assured him quickly. 

Alex looked skeptical. “No one?” He glanced at Mike. 

“I didn’t see anything, he was right with me the whole time.” Mike said. 

Alex replied back and Nicky leaned back in his seat, his ears buzzing. There was something there with them, something dark. He felt cold, the buzzing growing louder and the corners of his vision going black. He closed his eyes, trying to collect himself, protect himself. 

“Kolya?” He opened his eyes, blinking. Sasha Semin was kneeling beside him, hands on his arms. “Ok?” Sasha thought it was funny to call him Kolya; it always made Alex’s face go soft and fond when he did. 

“Ok.” Nicky nodded, forcing a smile. 

“You sure?”

“Tired.” Nicky said. 

Sasha pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. Behind him, Alex was looking worried and Mike was closer beside him than before. How long had Nicky had his eyes closed? 

Afterwards, they went to a nearby bar. The bar was in an old building and lingering spirits mingled inside. They avoided him, mercifully. Nicky was still exhausted, the scratches on his cheeks burned, and he had the sensation that something was in the shadows lurking behind him. 

He wanted to go home, but he didn’t particularly want to be alone. 

Finally, Mike bumped his elbow. “You ready to get out of here?”

Nicky didn’t have to pretend with Mike. “Please.” He said, grinning when Mike laughed at him. 

“Stay at my place tonight.” He offered. 

Mike’s place was good. New, no recent deaths, no spirits for the most part. Mike didn’t have any spirits that followed him, either. He was quiet in that way (in only that way). 

Nicky was asleep as soon as he crawled into bed, exhausted from everyone reaching out to him, using his energy to communicate. 

In his sleep, in his dreams, the black shadow came back. It hovered over him, dark and cold; cold like the sun had gone out. 

The shadow moved closer, a swirling mass of blackness. Eyes materialized out of the dark, red and piercing. Nicky couldn’t move, couldn’t get away. 

He tried to scream, but he couldn’t breathe. The darkness was engulfing him, drowning him and he couldn’t wake up. 

“Nicky!” Mike’s voice cut through everything. “Jesus, Nick, wake up.” Nicky opened his eyes. The lights were on, Mike looked frightened, a hockey stick laying abandoned on the floor. Nicky’s hands were cold and he grabbed at Mike numbly. “Fuck, you ok?” Mike asked, hugging him. 

“I- I- Sorry, I’m sorry.” He was shivering, goosebumps up and down his arms. The back of his neck was tingling like someone was behind him, staring at him. He was safe, he reminded himself. He was safe. 

“What happened? I thought someone broke in. You were yelling.” Mike didn’t let go of him. 

“I...I don’t...I’m sorry.”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“I...yeah. I must have. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s ok.” Mike grinned slightly. “I didn’t think the haunted house thing scared you that bad.” 

Nicky forced a laugh. “Ha, maybe it did.” Or maybe something followed him. “I can...I can go home. I’m sorry.”

“What? No, Nicky, it’s fine. It’s ok. It’s the middle of the night. Just stay, ok?” Mike looked at him carefully. Nicky imagined he didn’t look great. “Just...come sleep in my room, it’s fine.”

Nicky blushed. “You don’t have to-“

“I know, I know. Look, it’s fine. We sleep in the same bed half the time on the road anyway.” That wasn't a thing they talked about, and it wasn’t a thing they did at home, but Nicky was willing to overlook that if Mike was. “Just in case, yeah?”

And Nicky didn’t want to inconvenience Mike, but he really didn’t want to fall back to sleep alone either. “Ok.” He agreed. “Thanks.”

Mike shrugged. “C’mon, sleeping beauty.” He teased. Nicky rolled his eyes but followed after him. 

Once safely under the covers (as though blankets could protect him from actual monsters) Mike nudged him. “What’s going on with you?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know...you just seem...something seems different.”

Nicky shrugged. “Just a nightmare, I think.”

Mike gave a long-suffering sigh. “Before that. You were really quiet all night.”

“I’m ok.” Nicky said, closing his eyes. 

“Ok, fine.” Mike relented. “Night.”

Mike was at least a little worried about him, enough that he didn’t bring up Nicky’s nightmare at practice the next day, even though he fully anticipated getting chirped for it. Nicky appreciated it. 

Mike might’ve been slightly ‘gifted’ to use the usual parlance, Nicky thought. Mike had a good intuition and his gut instinct was usually right. He was the type of person who got a feeling about something and it panned out. To Nicky, it sounded better than seeing ghosts, that was for sure. 

A few days later, they left for a road trip. 

They were staying at a different hotel in New York than they had before. Nicky paused in the lobby, suddenly overcome by thick, choking emotion. It was like bitter syrup being poured down his throat and his world spun backwards on its axis, he nearly lost his balance. 

He’d never- he’d never felt something like this, something so fresh. 

Someone so recently a ghost. 

He could hear screaming. He wasn’t sure- he didn’t know if it was real. Well, it was all real, but he didn’t know if his teammates could hear it. He couldn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t move. 

A spirit, desperate and anguished. Raw with emotion but unskilled at actually being a spirit. Unskilled at communicating. Instead of words, instead of thoughts, it was overwhelming despair and hopelessness; pain and suffering like fire licking at his heels.

“Nicky.” Sasha. Shit. Nicky forced himself to open his eyes. There was someone screaming, distantly. Nicky felt sick. “Outside.”

Discreetly, in the distracted chaos of the lobby, Sasha led Nicky out the door. 

Outside was better, he could breathe. He felt weak, drained, and Sasha hugged him. “You can...you can feel?”

“Feel?” Nicky asked. 

Sasha looked at him. “The...the feelings. Emotions.” He said, finding the right word. “You’re...I don’t know the English. Feel things normal people can’t.” 

“I don’t...not feel, not exactly.” Nicky didn’t want to explain. 

“But kind of?” Sasha asked, studying him carefully. 

“Kind of.” He nodded. 

Sasha must’ve been able to. Sasha had been the one at the restaurant, when the darkness came over him. Sasha always seemed sensitive to the changing moods of a hockey team, like he had his finger on the pulse of it. Nicky wondered what that was like, constantly be subjected to everyone else’s feelings. 

Anything else they were going to say was disrupted by police cars, fire trucks, and an ambulance arriving at the hotel, with lights flashing off the glass windows. They went inside quickly, with lots of equipment. 

Nicky was still outside when they returned, equipment untouched, cot still made up, twenty minutes later. 

He went back inside slowly. 

It was still powerful. Emotions splattered like black paint over everything. Nicky itched to leave and to explore further simultaneously. 

The spirit was young. Male. Angry. So angry, so distraught. A thousand feelings at once and still that wasn’t enough. 

Suicide, if Nicky had to guess. Violently, too; suddenly. 

Nicky made it to his and Mike’s room. Mike was talking a mile a minute. “Holy shit, so apparently some guy shot himself. Like, here at the hotel. There were a bunch of cops in the lobby and they called for, like, the crime scene team. The ones that collect evidence, you know?”

“Oh?” Nicky sat on the edge of the bed. 

“Yeah! That’s crazy, right?” 

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed. He wanted to leave to go to dinner but he felt so strange, he didn’t know if he could. 

Mike chattered more as he settled in the room. Nicky made a couple replies, but he just didn’t know what to say. 

Mike didn’t give him an option about dinner, and Nicky felt better once he was outside the hotel again. 

Sasha ducked away from the table midway through their meal and, on an impulse, Nicky followed him. 

Sasha was outside, sitting on the curb. He didn’t look up at Nicky when he sat beside him. He was shaking, hands on either side of his head. 

“Ok?” Nicky asked, though he obviously wasn’t. 

Sasha shook his head. “No.” He whispered. He looked up at Nicky. “It’s usually...it’s not so bad.” He said quietly. “Something...it’s bad. I can’t...can’t make it stop.” 

Nicky didn’t know what to do. He sat beside him and Sasha turned his face to press against him. Nicky wrapped an arm around him, hugging him. Looking up, he saw a young woman in a dress. She was staring at them, untouched by the chill in the air. She looked forlorn, lost. Her sadness washed over him slowly, almost gently. 

She looked like Sasha, a little, just around the eyes. 

A tear slipped down her cheek and she shook her head. When he looked back again, she was gone, taking her sadness with her. 

He sat with him a while longer, fingers laced through Sasha’s. They were all tactile, all needed touch, but Sasha needed it most of all. Nicky didn’t mind; he liked Sasha. He pressed an absentminded kiss to the top of Sasha’s head, rocking gently. 

Sasha’s cousin died, Nicky learned later, when Sasha’s phone rang and he answered it. 

Nicky didn’t know what it meant that Sasha could feel her; maybe because she was family? Maybe because she’d tried to reach out to him? Nicky didn’t know anything about the supernatural, despite encountering it on a daily basis. 

Back at the hotel, the spirit of the man who’d killed himself was still there and he was still angry. Nicky wasn’t sure what to tell him. “You can’t stay here. Go somewhere else.” Nicky said, pausing for a moment before adding, “you’re giving me a headache.” 

He wasn’t sure if he heard him. Eventually, the man’s spirit left, but not before Nicky’s head was throbbing and the light hurt his eyes. 

Mike came up from the lobby, frowning when he saw Nicky curled up in bed. “You ok?” 

“Headache.” Nicky shrugged. “I’m fine.”

He felt the mattress shift as Mike sat down beside him. “Are you getting sick?” He asked, poking at him cheek and then checking for a fever. 

“Jus’ a headache.” He murmured. 

The rink felt different when they arrived the next morning. Nicky tried to ignore it, but shadows were amassing in the corners and everything was slowly going dark. He looked up to find Sasha, to see if whatever it was he could feel it, but Sasha was gone; on a plane headed to Russia. 

It felt like something was blotting out the sun, but they were inside. The rink was normally ok, normally it was devoid of spirits entirely. Something must’ve happened, to bring in this sudden darkness. Maybe a ritual, maybe an accident, it had to be something. 

They were on ice, so it was supposed to feel chilly, but it usually felt good. Nicky was usually still sweating after a bit. Now, he felt cold down through the marrow of his bones, so cold he was starting to shiver. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the shadow man. He turned to look at him, but he was already gone. He was hiding from Nicky. 

He still had to practice. His feet felt heavy, his hands stiff. 

Everything was getting darker, the air was getting harder to breathe. Nicky was into something way over his head, and this time Sasha wasn’t there to pull him back. 

Nicklas was vaguely aware of falling behind the play, of dropping his stick and bending over to try to catch his breath. The darkness swarmed him like a plague of locusts and the buzzing sound was back. Hands on his knees, he closed his eyes tight and tried to will it away. He could hear a man laughing at him faintly, seemingly pleased with Nicky’s distress or amused by his pitiful efforts to shield himself. 

He couldn’t breathe. There was no air left. His stomach twisted and his lungs screamed and he’d never felt like this- there was no reason for him to feel like this. 

“Nicky!” Finally, Mike’s voice cut through the dense fog. 

Nicky opened his eyes. Mike was holding his arm, holding him up. His eyes were wild with fright. The lights flickered in the arena and a couple guys looked up; it wasn’t just Nicky that saw it. 

“What the fuck, are you ok?” Mike asked. “Do you have a migraine?” 

Nicky’s tongue was glued to the inside of his mouth. He couldn’t- he nodded. His muscles were trembling like he’d just done the hardest workout of his life. 

Alex appeared beside him and helped Mike steer him to the tunnel. He showered and changed, waiting in his stall until the team was done and they could go back to the hotel. 

Nothing else happened, for a while. He was too tired from hockey to deal with an evil attachment, he thought. 

The shadow man was still following Nicky though. He kept his distance, but Nicky saw him. Nicky had seen the shadow man for years before the darkness started creeping in. Maybe he was getting angry, impatient. Maybe he was trapped and couldn’t find his way to...wherever they went. 

If Nicky was more practiced, maybe he could ask. Nicky had never wanted to hone his skills before. His ‘gift’ was inconvenient at best and he just wanted to play hockey. Neither of his parents were gifted. His brother got vague impressions of the past, that was it. Nicky was honestly jealous. 

Nicky tried on his own to learn how to shield himself, to protect himself. It was somewhat like meditation, which he’d never been good at, but he gave it a shot anyway. He couldn’t keep getting...he couldn’t keep letting them get to him. 

It didn’t work, was the thing. If anything, it made it worse. Or maybe Nicky was just too worn down from playing; he was having trouble maintaining weight. The trainers had started to give him concerned looks, but it wasn’t to the point where they actually said anything.

It came to a head in St. Louis. The angry spirits there never failed to give him a headache. Nicky tried to protect himself from them, as a trial run, but it didn’t work. So, when the darkness started to creep in around him as he sat on the bench, he didn’t know what to do. 

It was almost paralyzing. His stomach churned and pain split through his head like a lightning strike. He couldn’t- he couldn’t do anything. 

He grabbed Sasha’s arm when they went to intermission. Sasha must’ve been better at protecting himself than Nicky, because he looked confused before he seemed to realize something was happening. 

Sasha pulled Nicky out of the main hall; the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Whatever it was, it was near him. His chest was tight, his neck felt… he felt like he was being strangled. He tugged at his collar, but it only got tighter. 

Sasha was talking, he realized belatedly. “I get Ovi, ok?” He said, eyes wide with panic; maybe he could feel how scared Nicky was now. 

“No…” Nicky shook his head. 

“Yeah, you need- you need help.” Sasha said. 

Nicky couldn’t argue, because he couldn’t breathe. He did need help. He needed air in his lungs, he needed the vice around his chest to loosen. He could hear a deep growl behind him and goosebumps spread out across his skin. He swore he could see his breath. 

He didn’t want to be left alone, but he was. 

He was alone in the dark, the lights flickering off seconds after Sasha closed the door. Nicky tried to open it but it held strong and he was too weak to fight.

He shut his eyes tight; what a stupid way to die, he thought to himself. Trapped in an equipment room with some pissed-off, hitchhiking spirit. 

His head was killing him, the pain blaring in his skull. Everything was black and cold. The growling seemed to be coming from all around him. He covered his ears and something scratched at his hands. 

Suddenly, strong hands drug him out into the light. He took a gulping breath and started coughing. Sasha was kneeling beside him, a hand on his wrist to feel his pulse, while Alex loomed over him. “You didn’t tell me.” He said, slightly accusatory. 

“What?” Nicky rasped. 

“Gifted.” 

“Shitty gift.” Nicky managed, panting and trying to catch his breath. 

Alex smirked, rolling his eyes. “Should tell me these things, Nicky.” He nudged Nicklas with his foot. 

Nicky closed his eyes. He could still hear distant growling. But maybe that was his imagination. “I can see ghosts.” He whispered. 

“That’s all?” Alex asked, unimpressed. 

“Fuck you.” Nicky sat up slowly. He must’ve looked as bad as he felt, because Alex kicked a trash bin in front of him just as Nicky started retching. 

“Oh, Nicky.” Alex murmured. “Don’t just see them, huh?” He stroked Nicky’s hair back off his face, seemingly indifferent to the sweat beading along the ends and dripping down his face. 

Nicky heaved until he was completely empty, and then a few more times for good measure. Alex and Sasha helped him to his feet and down to the locker room. 

Nicky didn’t- couldn’t- play the third. He’d tried, but even standing had made him throw up. 

He spent the third period with his head in a toilet, not convinced he wasn’t dying in some horribly stupid way. He half-expected the entity to come drown him, or at least stick his head in and flush. 

Alex helped him shower after the game, helped him get dressed. Someone gave him a puke bag, though he’d long since run out of things to throw up. It was only in holding it that he noticed his hands. 

“Alex?” He asked softly. 

“Yeah?”

“My hands…” Alex looked, frowning. The backs of Nicky’s hands each had three long scratches down them. 

Alex traced one scratch with his finger and Nicky shivered, which made him nauseous. “What did you get into?” He asked. 

“The...at the...You made me go.” He retched again. “Haunted house.” He managed. 

“Ohhh, Nicky…” Alex rubbed his back. “You can’t...you can’t protect yourself at all?” 

Nicky’s eyes prickled with tears. It wasn’t- it wasn’t his fault, he was exhausted and sick and hurting. He ducked his head. “Don’t.”

“Oh, Nicky…” Alex said again, his tone uncharacteristically gentle and warm. “I teach you, ok?”

“You can…?” Nicky swallowed hard. “You’re…” he hated the word gifted so fucking much he couldn’t say it. 

“Not like you. Not like Sasha.” Alex said. “It’s like...things like that can’t touch me. My mama teach me when I’m little.” 

Nicky nodded. “I don’t know how.” He said, as though that wasn’t obvious. 

“No shit.” Alex laughed. If Nicky had more energy, he would’ve flipped him off. 

Nicky had nightmares that night, of course he did. He knew he would even as he crawled under the covers, but he was so exhausted he couldn’t help but fall asleep. He had nightmares with teeth and claws, growling and cold chills. And laughter. Haunting, distant laughter, like the way he struggled was funny. 

He dreamed about claws tearing into his skin, ripping apart the muscle and sinew. He dreamed about something sinking teeth into him and throwing him against a wall. 

He woke up to Alex wrapping him up in a tight hug, while Sasha looked on the verge of tears and Mike looked bewildered. 

“Nicky, it’s ok.” Alex said, rocking him. 

“I’m sorry.” Nicky’s throat hurt so bad. “I...I’m sorry.”

“Nicky, buddy…” Mike started. “What the fuck?”

Nicky laughed, a little hysterically, hiding his face against Alex’s chest- much easier than explaining. 

Alex cleared his throat. “Nicky can...ghosts can use him, talk to him. Take from him.” Nicky has never thought of it like that; he thought it was just...normal. “Sasha feels things, feelings, sometimes. He felt how scared Nicky was, woke him up. He woke me up.” He explained. Sasha nodded. 

Mike nodded slowly. “Oh. Jesus, Nick, you could've told me.”

“Sorry.” Nicky said again. 

“It’s not- don’t be sorry.” Mike sat down beside him and Alex gently released him, passing him off to Mike. Nicky would’ve hated it if he didn’t like it so much; he felt safe, if someone else was close. “I thought something was wrong, I just...I had no idea.”

Nicky was shivering and he couldn’t stay awake. He tucked his face in against Mike’s shoulder wearily. Mike rubbed his back. 

“He needs sleep.” Alex decided. “Gonna stay here, in case it comes back.”

“Jus’ a bad dream.” Nicky murmured, blinking up at him heavily. 

“No, it wasn’t.” Alex said, brushing his hair off his forehead tenderly. “Bad dreams don’t make doors slam.”

“What?”

“When they tried to get in...the door slammed shut.” Mike explained slowly, like he didn’t quite believe it. 

Nicky shivered harder. “Oh.”

“I stay here, I keep you safe.” He looked up at Sasha. “You too, just in case.”

They offered to let Mike take their room, but he shook his head. “I’ll stay.” He said. 

Nicky fell back to sleep between Sasha and Alex, feeling secure for the first time in a while. When he woke up in the morning, Sasha was holding him close, looking nervous. Mike was sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand on Nicky’s shoulder. Alex was standing at the window, which was open despite the chill. 

“Why…?” Nicky started. 

Alex closed the window. “Open when we woke up. Everything, all open.” He gestured around the room. “All this from a haunted house?” He asked incredulously. All the drawers were open, the closet doors, the windows. Mike’s blankets had been pulled down to the floor. 

Nicky shrugged. “It...there were lots of ghosts there. Trapped.”

“Trapped by what’s following you?” Alex guessed. 

“I don’t know.” Nicky admitted softly. “There’s been...there’s been a man. A spirit. But...I don’t know who it is.”

“He follows you?”

“Uh huh.” Nicky nodded. “For a long time.” He admitted. 

Alex frowned. “You don’t think that’s bad?” He asked. 

Nicky looked down. “Lots of people have ghosts.” He murmured quietly. Alex looked like he wanted to ask; Nicky hoped he wouldn’t. 

Sasha nudged him. “Go shower.” He decided. “Then breakfast.” 

Sasha might know, Nicky decided. Sasha might know and might be sparing all of them from having to talk about it now. 

Nicky had been feeling more and more worn down, but he’d attributed it to their mid-season schedule. Standing under the shower head, he closed his eyes as exhaustion washed over him. He could almost fall asleep standing up; he would’ve, had the door not opened. 

“Just me.” Mike said. Nicky heard the toilet lid close and Mike sit down on it. “You ok?”

“I’m ok.” Nicky leaned his head against the wall. “I’m fine.” He whispered. 

“You know, you could’ve told me you’re...you could’ve told me you were Haley Joel Osment.” 

Nicky couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, well…” 

Mike chuckled. “It’s ok.” He assured him. “I get it.” 

Nicky forced himself to open his eyes and turn the water off. Mike tossed the towel over the top of the shower and startled a laugh out of him. 

He was finishing brushing his teeth at the sink when the door was pushed open and Alex stepped in. Nicky spat to clear his mouth. “Can’t you guys knock?” He complained anemically. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Take too long in here.” He said, gently teasing him. “You ok?” 

Nicky sighed heavily, not hiding his irritation. “I’m fine.” 

Alex glanced at Mike and Mike slipped out of the room. Alex leaned against the counter. “You ever brush this?” He asked, twirling a lock of Nicky’s wet hair around his finger. Nicky pulled away from him but Alex stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “You know this...this thing following you can be dangerous.”

“I didn’t, not really. I…” Nicky admitted, ducking his head to avoid Alex’s gaze. “I thought...I thought it wouldn’t stay.” 

Alex shook his head. “It’s not...if you just see ghosts, they can’t do all this to you. You...you’re like a battery for them.” He explained. 

“How do you…” Nicky trailed off. 

“Just know.” Alex said. “See it before.” He was quiet, soft, and Nicky shifted restlessly. Alex’s hand was still on his shoulder, warm against his bare skin. 

Nicky really didn’t want Alex to ask. He really didn’t want to tell him that Sergei was around; or worse, that Sergei wasn’t always around. Instead, he exited quickly, getting dressed. 

Sasha lingered near to him; maybe they thought Nicky wouldn’t tell them if he started to be affected and Sasha was the canary in the coal mine. Maybe Nicky just looked like shit and someone stayed close in case he keeled over. 

They made it to Chicago without anything else overtly supernatural happening. The rink was safe; only a few ghosts lingered there, mostly quiet, mostly content. 

After practice, they headed to the hotel. In the lobby, Nicky caught a glimpse of the shadow man, a chill rushing over him. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to settle himself. He didn’t know what to do, exactly, that was supposed to keep himself safe. He tried centering himself, reigning himself in, but he’d never been good at introspection or meditation and it didn’t work. 

Numbly, he made it to his assigned room, following after Mike. 

“Nick?” Mike asked, setting his bag down on the dresser. He almost couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t- everything was buzzing loudly. He couldn’t hear anything. “Nicky, buddy…”

The lights flickered. Mike looked around nervously. “Can you…” Nicky’s legs were shaking. He was still exhausted, he had so little energy left. He sat back on the edge of the bed heavily. 

The room felt cold. Not cold- icy. 

Mike’s eyes were wide, scared. The lights flickered again. “Holy shit.” Mike whispered. 

It was impressive, Nicky supposed; impressive like a shark fin cutting through murky water. 

The bathroom door slammed shut. Nicky could hear something whispering; he tried not to listen to it. 

Nicky couldn’t breathe. He could feel Mike’s hand on his shoulder, then on his face, but he couldn’t move. Something growled from across the room and the lights dimmed. Nicky got the impression it was upset someone was around him. It wanted him to walk away, it wanted him to open the window and-

Nicky shook his head. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. 

It got even angrier. Nicky grabbed Mike’s hand. He tried to tell him to get help, but he didn’t know if the words came out. 

It was still everywhere. There was no air, there was only the angry spirit that was circling around him. 

Nicky should- Mike couldn’t protect himself- Nicky should do something. He couldn’t. His neck hurt, he couldn’t breathe. He should be able to fight back, but all he could do was press his face into Mike’s shoulder and hope. 

It kept telling him to leave. To get up and leave, through the door, through the window. It laughed at the idea of Nicky getting hurt. It was projecting images of him splattering onto the sidewalk, his bones breaking. 

Nicky felt someone else sit on the bed, but he didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. He flinched away from a hand touching his face. “It’s ok.” Someone said softly. 

“Kolya, Kolya, it’s ok.” Kolya. That was him but it wasn’t- there was no one- “Kolya?” Sasha. Sasha called him that; he sounded worried. 

Nicky blinked, his eyes wet. “I…” he couldn’t talk. His voice was hoarse. His face was wet too. He was crying? He leaned into Sasha and let the older man wrap him in a hug. 

It took awhile for him to come back to himself. When he opened his eyes again, Sasha was still holding him. Mike was beside him, still squeezing his hand. Alex was at the foot of the bed, frowning at him. 

“You awake?” Mike asked softly. 

“Uh huh.” Nicky nodded, his head against Sasha’s chest. 

“What happened?” Alex asked. 

Nicky glanced at Mike and Mike nodded. “That ghost came back, I guess. The lights kept flickering and the room got really cold.” 

Alex nodded slowly. “Ok. Need to teach you how to protect.” He told Nicky. 

Nicky couldn’t hardly keep his eyes open. “Yeah.” 

“Maybe we go back, figure out why it likes you so much.”

“Doesn’t like me.” He mumbled.

“Thinks you’re...thinks you taste good, maybe. Likes to use you.” Alex shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

Nicky nuzzled closer to Sasha. Sasha combed his fingers through his hair and Nicky started to relax again. “Leave him alone.” Sasha said softly. “Needs sleep.” 

Alex’s mouth twisted in a fond smile for a fraction of a second and he shook his head. “Ok.” He agreed. 

Nicky fell asleep even though he wanted to stay awake. When he woke up again, Alex was beside him, his laptop balanced on his knees. Sasha and Mike were both gone. “Getting dinner.” Alex explained when he saw he was awake. 

“Oh.” 

“Don’t worry, they get you food too.” He promised. 

Nicky sat up slowly, stretching. His muscles ached, like he’d bagskated an hour. Alex reached out and tugged lightly at the collar of his hoody. “What’s this?”

Nicky tilted his head, letting Alex look at his hood. It wasn’t a new shirt, but maybe someone had stuck tape on it? He watched Alex’s face go from confused to stunned to angry. “What?” He asked quietly. 

“Hurt you.”

“No, I’m ok.” His throat hurt, but it wasn’t too bad. 

Alex looked like he was going to yell. He pulled Nicky to his feet, shoving him as gently as he could to the mirror. 

There was a red mark around his neck, a bruise. He touched it with his fingers, feeling the raised edges. It almost felt like rope-burn. 

He lunged to the sink, retching. Acidic bile burned all the way up. Alex handed him a bottle of water and gently steered him back to the bed. “You didn’t know?” He guessed. 

Nicky felt- he wanted to cry. “No.” He whispered. His eyes were burning. “Can you...can you go? Just for a minute?” His voice quivered when he spoke. 

Alex shook his head. “Can’t let it come back.”

“Fuck.” Nicky leaned forward. He wasn’t- he always tried to be in control but his emotions felt all over the place. “Fuck!”

He was shaking all over. He couldn’t breathe, his emotions thick in his throat, and it had nothing to do with the spirit. “I know, sucks. Stuck with me.” Alex teased carefully. 

Nicky couldn’t help but laugh, even as his eyes welled over. “Yeah.” He looked up at Alex, grateful he was ignoring the tears. 

“Oh well.” Alex ruffled his hair. “Worse for me. Stuck with you.”

“Worse?”

“Me, I’m so sweet.” Alex said, eyes laughing. “You, mean. Mean Lars.” 

Nicky swallowed and his throat hurt and he reremembered why, a sob slipping out. 

“Oh, Nicky…” Alex murmured, wrapping him in a hug. Alex was broad, he could engulf Nicky if he wanted to. Nicky wanted. “It’s ok. Ghosts make...make emotions go all funny.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I start to teach you after dinner, ok?” Alex offered. “Takes a while to learn. Was gonna wait til we go home, let you rest. But…” but it was only getting worse. 

“Thanks.”

Mike and Sasha returned with fast-food burgers. Mike handed Nicky a large orange soda and he happily accepted it. Sasha looked between Alex and Nicklas curiously, but didn’t say anything. 

Afterwards, Alex tried to teach him how to protect himself. It was better with Alex than watching videos online but it was hard trying to communicate everything through English. 

Nicky was exhausted. Alex has to keep reminding him to focus, seeming to sense when he got distracted. “Try to think...you’re making a wall. Like...like a castle.” Alex said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “Keep all the good stuff inside.”

“Good stuff?” Nicky asked. 

Alex chuckled. “You.” He squeezed Nicky’s fingers. “Focus.”

He couldn’t, though. Sasha rested a hand on his shoulder, giving him something to ground him. Finally, Sasha cleared his throat. “Ok, too tired. Bed.” 

Mike again refused to leave. “I know you don’t need me here but...I’m not gonna treat you different just because you’re a little haunted right now. I want...I wanna help if I can.” He told Nicky earnestly. 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed. 

He had good friends, he thought as he fell asleep with the lights still on. 

They played Chicago and Nicky felt his usual baseline exhaustion, but nothing new. They flew out afterwards, heading to Nashville for the second half of a back to back. 

Nicky fell asleep against Alex’s shoulder on the plane. They arrived at the hotel too late and Nicky didn’t hardly notice the flitting figure at the corner of his vision until the lights dimmed to almost nothing. Sasha wrapped a hand around his arm, pulling him close. Alex was still out at the busses. “Think about castle, ok?” Sasha muttered, pushing Mike to go get their room key. 

Nicky tried, he did. He thought about building a castle, stone by stone. He thought about high walls and a moat. He tried to keep himself inside, but he couldn’t focus on it. 

The hotel lobby was cold. 

Mike wanted to get in the elevator and Sasha stopped them. “Can’t...it makes the lights blink, what you think it do to that?” He said, pointing at the doors. 

It wanted Nicky in the elevator, alone. He could feel it. 

It wanted Nicky scared. 

His attention slipped further. He could feel goosebumps racing down his arms. His castle collapsed and he was vulnerable. 

“I can’t...I can’t.” Nicky said.

They were in the lobby still. Their teammates were milling about. Nicky tried harder. Alex could protect himself, and Nicky, and Sasha. Nicky tried. 

The power went out and a door blew open on the far end of the lobby. Sasha seemed briefly overwhelmed, maybe by the rush of fear before he could fortify himself. 

Mike caught Nicky and stopped him from falling when his knees buckled. “Shit, you ok?”

“Try.” Sasha told him, settling a hand on Nicky’s shoulder while he twisted to look behind him for Alex. 

Nicky felt rage bubble up in his gut and it might not have been his, but he tried to use it anyway. He felt the spirit lash out at him bitterly, a surge of energy that made him slide down to the ground. 

He covered his mouth, keeping himself quiet. Mike dropped to his knees beside him, hugging him, shielding him. 

Nicky couldn’t let it hurt Mike or Sasha. He pushed and he tried and it was like screaming as loud as he could without making any noise at all. It was like a bomb going off without the sound, just the pressure wave cutting through them. 

The lights blinked back on as Alex hurried in, looking worried. It had only been a couple minutes. The spirit was watching, knew when Alex was away. 

“He tried.” Sasha said, kneeling beside them. 

“Not so good.” Alex said, turning Nicky’s face up with a hand cupped under his chin. “Bloody nose.” 

“I feel…” He might pass out, he thought to himself. “I…”

Alex rubbed his back. “You try to do too much. It’s not good.” 

Nicky nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into Mike’s chest. He tried to catch his breath. 

He was corralled upstairs and all but tucked into bed. He didn’t object. 

In the morning, Nicky woke up with a migraine and Alex’s arm wrapped around his waist. On the other bed, Sasha had his head on Mike’s chest, half-awake and watching them. 

“You ok?” He asked.

Nicky shrugged. “Just...my head hurts.” He admitted, because he didn’t think he could lie. He didn’t want to lie either, he just...he didn’t want them to worry. 

“You try too much yesterday.” Sasha explained. “It’s ok. I...I did the same, once.”

Nicky tried to shift, but Alex’s grip tightened- Alex was warm, Alex was safety. He didn’t really want to move. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Sasha nodded. “Before...couldn’t...couldn’t not feel everything. Like...radio always on, loud, always switching channels.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Now, I can make it quiet, when I want. I can...control it better.” Sasha said.

Mike grumbled sleepily, washing a hand over Sasha’s face. “Shhh.” Sasha laughed quietly. “No, shhh, it’s early.” Mike complained. 

Nicky smiled and closed his eyes, letting Alex scoot closer, pressing his nose to the back of Nicky’s head. “Everyone’s so loud.” Alex said. Nicky could hear his smile in his voice. “Go to sleep.” 

Nicky fell back asleep easily enough, letting the headache wash over him until he finally dozed off. 

When he awoke again, it was to Mike gently shaking him awake. “Hey, sorry. Breakfast?” He offered. 

Nicky didn’t want to eat, but he knew he should. His head was still pounding, but he had to play. If he didn’t play, he would be far from Alex and if he was far from Alex...he didn’t want to think about it. He hated the idea of being dependent, but he couldn’t protect himself yet. 

Alex made him try again after morning skate. 

“No, he needs rest.” Sasha said, frowning at Alex and stroking Nicky’s hair gently. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Rest later. Needs to learn...needs practice.” He decided. “Just for a little while.” He said, offering it as a compromise. 

Alex and Nicky sat on the floor; Nicky was liable to fall asleep in a bed. Sasha sat behind Nicky on the edge of the bed, settling a hand on Nicky’s shoulder. Mike was perched on the desk, watching intently. 

Alex had Nicky’s hand in his. “Ok. Try, ok? You try to keep me out.”

“You can...you can come in?” Nicky asked, cracking an eye open. Sasha squeezed his shoulder. 

“I can…” Alex sighed, sorting through the English he knew to better explain what he meant. “I can...not come in. But...I don’t know, you learn Russian, maybe I explain it better.” He huffed, mildly frustrated. 

Sasha giggled. “He can...he can’t hurt you. Can’t see what you think. It’s ok.” 

Nicky nodded, satisfied with that little bit of reassurance, closing his eyes again. He focused on his walls, on keeping himself inside. It took a lot of effort to keep himself from being vulnerable. 

His head hurt worse, like someone was pressing in on the sides. He concentrated so hard he held his breath, not even realizing it until Sasha rocked him gently. “Breathe.” He whispered. Nicky took a deep breath, trying not to let his walls crumble. It was shaky for a moment, but held.

The pressure in his head increased and he tried to breathe through it, he did, but he just didn’t have the energy. He couldn’t focus and he couldn’t maintain it. He tried, imagining a wall slowly growing taller, growing up around him, but it all caved in on him. He gasped, jerking back. 

“Stop.” Sasha decided. “Kolya, Kolya, it’s ok.” 

Nicky blinked- his eyes were wet. Sasha frowned at Alex, both hands on Nicky’s shoulders. “Be nice, you….you make him do too much.” He chided gently, protectively. 

Alex squeezed Nicky’s hand. “Sorry, Nicky.”

“S’okay.” He wiped his sleeve across his face. “Thank you for teaching me.”

“Should be more slow, be nice.” Sasha muttered. 

“Yeah, but-“ Alex stopped himself.

“I know.” Sasha looked down at Nicky. “I know.”

Nicky felt queasy; Alex should be teaching him this slower, with more patience, but he couldn’t because...he couldn’t because whatever was attached to Nicky was too dangerous and they didn’t have that sort of time. 

Mike looked confused. “I don’t.” He said. “Why is this...Why is this hard?”

Mike couldn’t understand having an ability that didn’t help you; Mike probably didn't think he had an ability at all, he probably thought he just had good luck, or he could read people well. 

“Hard because it takes his energy, gets stronger, can take more, can do more.” Alex explained, eyes on Nicky. “Needs energy to focus, to protect himself, like in a fight, but doesn’t have it.”

“Oh.” Mike nodded. “What would happen if...what would happen if no one ever taught him that?”

“Maybe spirit leaves, sometime.” Alex said slowly. He lowered his voice. “Maybe it kills him.”

Sasha’s hands tightened, holding Nicky still. “Not gonna happen.” Sasha said gently. 

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed. “I know.” His voice sounded faint, even to his own ears. 

After the game, he was dragging. He’d played well, gotten a goal even, but everything felt like he was moving through a swamp. He felt like vines and muck were holding him back. 

He made a wrong turn from the medical room, going right instead of left. Or maybe he didn’t- maybe it wanted him to go that way, to be alone, and Nicky couldn’t defend himself. 

It didn’t matter. He was alone, which was the significant part. He was alone when he saw a shadow cross in front of him. He looked up, seeing the shadow man. 

The man stopped, staring at him. Nicky had never gotten to look at him for more than a second at a time. He didn’t look like anyone Nicky knew, but... something about him was familiar. He looked kind, not evil. He had light eyes and light brown hair, old-fashioned looking clothes and a hat. “Run.” He said, reaching out a hand. 

Nicky jerked away from him and he was gone. Or, he wasn’t, but Nicky couldn’t see him. 

There was an elevator at the end of the hall. Nicky could open the doors, he could throw himself down the-

He shook his head. No. No, no, no. 

He covered his ears, but it didn’t help. All it wanted was for Nicky to be scared, to suffer. The energy was greater then. Darkness lurked around Nicky like a panther just outside the light of a campfire. Nicky could hear growls, but he couldn’t see it. 

The lights flashed, up and down the hall, one after the other. A metal cart tucked against the wall tipped over, spilling plastic cups and rolls of tape. 

Nicky should-

He tried to make his walls, but making a wall would trap it inside with him. He could feel sharp claws down his back. He tried to get up, but he tripped over something, falling hard to the ground. Maybe he didn’t trip at all; maybe he was pushed. 

He tried harder. He tried, like he had in the hotel lobby, when he’d tried to protect Mike and Sasha. He tried so hard it made him dizzy, but he was weak and the spirit was strong.

And angry. 

Nicky closed his eyes tight and tried to push everything away, to shut everything out. Everything went dark instead.

When he woke up, he was still alone. There was blood on his face, his back hurt, and he was still in his uniform. He pushed himself to his knees. Other than the barely noticeable hum of the fluorescent lights, he couldn’t hear anything. 

Shakily, he stood, a hand on the wall to steady himself. The hallway didn’t seem as long as it had before.

Mike found him when he got to the closed door to the medical room. “Fuck, where did you go?” Mike asked, eyes wide. “Are you ok?” He cupped his cheek in his hand, wiping away the blood with the edge of his sleeve. 

“I...I’m ok.” Nicky whispered. 

“Are you sure?” Mike asked.

“No.” Nicky admitted softly, looking down. 

“It’s ok. C’mon, I’ll walk you back.” Mike said, pulling out his phone and sending a text. “Everyone was looking for you.”

“Everyone?”

“Well...me, Ovi, Sasha, and Jojo.”

“Jojo?”

“We didn’t tell him.” Mike said quickly. “He just knows you’ve been sick lately.” 

Most of the team was done with the locker room by the time Nicky got showered. Alex graciously waited until he was dressed before coming up to him. “What you thinking?” He asked, anger edging into his tone. 

“What?”

Alex looked flustered. “I tell you- tell you this is dangerous and you- you go off alone, let it get you?!” He asked, red in the face. Nicky took a half-step back, but there wasn’t much space. 

“I didn’t-“

“Didn’t what?” Alex snapped. “Lip all cut, scratches on your back, look like shit. Supposed to be smart, Nicky.” He said, voice like acid. 

“Hey, knock it off.” Mike said, stepping closer. 

“No, he has to know. Should know, but he’s too fucking stubborn.” Alex frowned at Nicky. “You go by yourself, bad things happen. Don’t know how to keep yourself safe. You have to be less stupid.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix.” Alex said, eyes flashing with bitterness. “I try to help you, you ignore it. Tell you don’t go alone, what do you do? You go alone.”

“Ovi-“ Mike interrupted. 

“You get yourself killed like this, is this what you want?!” Alex asked, grabbing Nicky by the biceps and not letting him escape. Alex was big, Alex’s hands were strong. 

“I…” He closed his eyes, bowing his head forward. He didn’t- everything inside him felt out of sorts, jumbled, and none of it made sense. 

Alex backed him up against the wall, so Nicky had nowhere to hide. “Why can’t you just try-“

“Stop it!” Sasha’s voice cut him off. Sasha was wide-eyed, looking seconds from crying. “Stop it, stop, please.” 

Mike took advantage of Alex’s surprise to push him away. Nicky sat back on the bench heavily, dropping his head into his hands. Fuck. Fuck, he needed to get himself together. His eyes welled with tears and he tried to wipe them away. 

Mike hugged him and that was enough to break him. Nicky sobbed into his hands and Mike rocked him side to side, whispering to him gently. “It’s ok, it’s ok.” He murmured. Across the room, he could hear Sasha and Alex speaking in Russian. Sasha sounded wrecked.

Finally, Alex squatted down in front of Nicky, a hand on his knee. “Nicky?” He asked quietly. 

Nicky lifted his face, trying to stop his lip from quivering when he spoke. “What?”

“I’m...I shouldn’t yell. Scared me, you were gone, I couldn’t find you, couldn’t help you…” Alex brushed the back of his fingers across Nicky’s cheek, wiping away tears. “I’m sorry.” 

Nicky carded his fingers through Alex’s still-damp hair. “Scared you?” He asked.

“Scared me bad.” He nodded in agreement. He caught Nicky’s hand in his own. “I’m sorry.”

“I...it made me lost, I think.” Nicky admitted. “It keeps...it keeps telling me to…”

“To what?” Mike asked. 

“To...to do things.”

“Like hurt people?” Alex guessed.

“No. To...to hurt me.”

Sasha gasped quietly and Alex closed his eyes. “Shit, Nicky...how long? You should tell me-“ he shook his head. “It’s ok. Tell me if...tell me if anything else happens, ok?”

“Ok.” Nicky agreed.

Later, Sasha slipped into the seat beside Nicky on the plane, ignoring Alex when he scowled at him for taking his seat. Alex settled into the row beside them and soon had his headphones on. Mike sat in the seat behind them. 

“Sanya gets...he’s really worried.” Sasha said in undertones. 

“About…?”

“About you.” Sasha said, raising his eyebrows. “Mad, but mostly so scared.”

“Scared?”

“Scared it hurts you, I think.” Scared it would kill him, was what Sasha couldn’t say. 

“Oh.”

“I could feel when you...when it hurt you, but couldn’t find you. Scared him a lot.” Sasha explained. 

“You could feel that?” He felt like he’d been too far away. When he’d had his nightmare, Sasha had only been one room over, with a thin hotel wall between them. He probably could’ve heard him shout just as easily. 

Sasha blushed a faint pink. “It’s more easy because...because I know you.” He explained. 

“Huh.”

“I...usually, I don’t.” Sasha said quickly. “And...just because I feel, it doesn’t mean...I don’t know what you think.” He reassured him. Nicky nodded, closing his eyes and leaning against Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Ok?” He asked. 

Nicky nodded, not sure if he was saying ok to the explanation or to the kiss. “Yeah.”

Sasha looked up at caught Alex watching them. “Jealous?” He asked, grinning. Sasha would barely speak English to the press, but he knew what he was saying. 

Alex laughed, looking a little relieved as he pulled his headphones down around his neck. “You like Nicky best?” He teased. 

Sasha smiled warmly. “Kolya is more sweet.” He declared. 

A look of gentle fondness blossomed in Alex’s face and he shook his head, laughing lightly. “Maybe.” He agreed. 

There was something unspoken between Alex and Nicky even after they arrived home. At first, they tried to ignore it, but Alex finally broached the topic the next night. 

“You know how I get mad at you, scared for you?” Alex asked, with Nicky curled up on the couch across from him. As if Nicky would forget. 

“Uh huh.”

Alex flushed. “I...you’re not the first person I know like this.” He admitted. 

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Alex looked down at his hands. “My brother. He...things followed him.” 

“Oh.” 

Alex swallowed, nodding. “Yeah. I don’t think...don’t think that’s what killed him, but...I don’t know.” He admitted, voice cracking. “After, mama taught me how to...how to protect myself. Just in case.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Nicky murmured, unsure what to say. “Alex…” There weren’t any words. He wrapped his arms around Alex, the big man small against his chest. 

“You...I can’t...can’t lose you too, ok?” Alex whispered. “You have to- have to be careful, ok?”

“I’ll try, I promise.” Nicky said softly. 

They were still embracing when Sasha came downstairs tentatively. “Ok?” He asked from the foot of the stairs. 

“Yeah.” Alex said, voice raw. Sasha joined them on the couch, slipping in behind Alex and hugging him. 

Mike joined them later, wandering in from the garage with groceries. He knew better than to ask questions, squeezing Alex’s shoulder and snuggling in beside Nicky. Eventually, the blond fell asleep there. The last thing he remembered was the press of a kiss to the top of his head. 

They spent any and all free time working on teaching Nicky to protect himself. Nicky was just terrible at it. 

“Hard at first.” Sasha commiserated, with Nicky sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. He was absolutely wiped out, but Alex was determined to keep going. “It’s ok.” 

Nicky nodded, forcing himself upright to try again. 

After another attempt, Sasha shook his head. “Done. Need dinner.” He decided; Sasha had overheard the trainers finally bring up Nicky’s weight. 

He couldn’t stay with Alex forever. Alex was selected for the All Star game; Nicky was not.

“First off, they should’ve sent you too.” Mike complained on his behalf. “Who do they think sets Ovi up for all those goals? His job isn’t that hard. Even I could get to 30 goals a season if you were passing to me.”

Nicky snorted, rolling his eyes. “Not the point.”

“Right. Second, can he like, not go? Can we send you with him? ‘Cause you’re still real haunted.”

“I don’t want him to miss it because of me.” Nicky shrugged. “I’m ok.”

“You suck at the shielding thing. No offense.” 

“S’getting better.” Nicky said, mostly to his hands as they twisted the cuff of his sleeve around his fingers. 

“Not good though. You can’t even keep Sasha from feeling how you feel.”

Nicky tipped his head; Mike had a valid point.

They decided to do a trial run a week before Alex was supposed to leave. Mike protested it loudly, Alex wasn’t happy, but Sasha stood firm. “Need to see if he can. Did it once, before. Maybe...maybe I can coach, I don’t know.” 

Mike and Alex left, though they stayed in the area in case they were needed. Nicky and Sasha stayed at Alex’s house. 

Nicky could maintain a shaky wall. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than he’d been doing weeks before; it was progress. Never mind that even Sasha could poke it full of holes if he wanted to. 

The spirit was always lingering just around the edges. Alex has been practicing for over a decade; it was so ingrained in him that he could protect those close to him even in his sleep. As soon as Alex left, Nicky could feel it circling, looking for a way in. 

Sasha squeezed his hand. “Castle, ok? It’s ok. Doing good.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the shadow man. “Run now.” He whispered, his voice lingering after his image was gone. 

Sasha jerked his head. “What was that?”

“The-the shadow man.” Nicky murmured. “He said run.” 

Sasha draped an arm around him. “Is ok. Only wants to scare you. Likes it.” 

Nicky wasn’t so sure. 

Soon enough though, he was clammy with sweat as he tried to keep up his walls. There were noises around the house, soft at first, like it was just settling.

A door slammed upstairs. 

“A castle.” Sasha reminded him. “Big castle.” 

Nicky could take Sasha in a fight. He could escape if he wanted. Alex’s house back up to the woods and he could-

“Wants me to leave.” He whispered. 

“Don’t.” Sasha looked at him nervously. 

“I know.” Nicky leaned forward, covering his eyes. 

Nicky could leave. Nicky could go to the kitchen and grab a knife. He could- stop. Stop. 

He could fall down the basement stairs. He could climb onto the roof and jump. He could walk into the pool and drown. He could-

“Stop.” Nicky whimpered. 

It laughed. 

Sasha’s grip tightened. “Doing good.” He said, but his phone was in his hand, ready to call Alex. 

Nicky tried to push everything away. The spirit moved closer. He heard a low whisper, telling him to-

“No.” Nicky said, trying to add steel to his voice but it didn’t work. 

“Big castle.” Sasha reminded him. “On a mountain.” Imagery worked for Nicky, but maybe not as well as it did for Sasha and Alex. Or maybe things were just lost in translation. 

Nicky’s castle was going to slide off the mountain though, he was sure. It was hanging on by a thread. 

The TV turned on by itself, static noise filling the room. The doorbell rang. 

If Nicky moved, there was nothing stopping him from leaving the house. He didn’t want to leave the house, but if he started moving, he didn’t think he could stay in control. 

He rocked back and forth, trying to focus. He pushed on the walls, holding them up. The voices telling him to leave started to fade. It was working. 

It was working for Nicky. 

Sasha gasped and Nicky looked up to see a bright red mark appear down his cheek, marking him. He looked at Nicky with wide eyes, barely contained. “It’s ok. Not bad.” Sasha said. “Keep doing the castle.”

Nicky couldn’t let it hurt Sasha. He strained, pushing harder, until the walls exploded, until a pressure wave burst through the entire house. 

It was quiet for a moment, save for the sound of Nicky panting to catch his breath. It was quiet until all the lights went out and something with red eyes growled at them from the darkness. 

Sasha screamed; Nicky screamed. 

Sasha dropped his phone in the scramble to flee the house. He kept a hand latched into Nicky’s. They didn’t even have shoes on when they took off down Alex’s driveway. 

They were caught in the beam of headlights. Alex threw open the passenger door as the car lurched to a stop. He grabbed both of them, holding onto them. 

Sasha was shaking, tears in his eyes. “It’s- oh my god. Oh my god, fuck.” 

“What happened?”

Nicky shook his head. “I...I tried. It- it had red eyes.”

“How...why you come home?” Sasha wondered. 

Alex glanced at Mike as he got out of the car. “Greenie said he thought we should.”

Nicky felt his knees give way and Mike and Alex managed to catch him. “Inside, ok? Inside.” Alex said. 

Nicky was deposited on the couch with Sasha, who was still shaking. Alex sat on the edge of the coffee table, facing them. He reached out to trace the scratch on Sasha’s cheek, frowning. 

“I…” he trailed off into Russian to explain himself but Nicky had the general idea- Sasha couldn’t protect himself and monitor Nicky. Sasha had only learned to protect himself from emotions, things that were passive and not seeking him out. It was the difference between an umbrella in a gentle rain versus against a tornado. 

Sasha glanced at Nicky. “He did good. Did…made a castle.” 

Nicky had his head in his hands, trying to regulate his breathing. “Nicky?” Alex bumped his hand against his knee. “What happen?”

“It...it wanted me to...to hurt myself.” He whispered. Sasha made a sympathetic noise, cut short when Nicky continued. “And...and Sasha.” He added, squeezing his eyes shut tight, tears dripping down his cheeks. 

Sasha sucked in a sharp breath, hugging him. “You did good.” He promised. Nicky had thought about plunging a knife into Sasha’s chest- that wasn’t good. He didn’t deserve-

“Not your fault.” Alex said. “You did good. Just need more practice.”

Mike cleared his throat. “Can’t we get, like, an exorcist or something?” He asked. 

Sasha mouthed the word, unfamiliar, and Alex shook his head. “Maybe. Dangerous. If priest isn’t strong enough….it could kill Nicky.”

“Isn’t it kind of killing him now?” Mike asked. “He’s dropping weight, he looks like shit- no offense, Nick.”

Alex shook his head. “It doesn’t want to kill him. It wants...it wants his energy. Likes him.” 

“Why can’t it do that to me, or Sasha? Or you?” Mike frowned. “There’s gotta be something we can do. Can we- if we go back to the haunted house will it, I don’t know, just hop off?” 

“Nicky is….Nicky sees ghosts because...more vulnerable. Easy to take from. You, me, Sasha, harder to take from.” Alex explained. 

“What about burning sage or something?” Mike suggested, a bit of hysteria edging into his tone. “Isn’t there anything I- we can do? Is there anything we can do?” He was red in the face, embarrassed, and Nicky raised a hand for him, wanting him closer. 

Mike sat down beside him, hugging Nicky to his chest as Alex spoke. “Sage is good for...less strong things.”

“For...for lost ghosts.” Nicky said. “The ones that don’t know where to go.” 

Mike nodded slowly. “So there’s nothing we can do?”

“Not nothing.” Alex said. “When it can't get to Nicky, it will get bored, leave.” 

Nicky knew, instinctively, that wasn’t exactly true. There was…if Nicky was strong enough, he would be able to fight it, to make it leave. He would have to be alone though, so it couldn’t hurt anyone else. 

Sasha gave him a curious look and Nicky shook his head. 

He spent the next week learning as much as he could from Alex and simultaneously plotting how he was going to get away once Alex left. 

It was risky, but so were the alternatives. If he went through with it, it could kill him. If he didn’t, it could kill Sasha or Mike. His choice was clear. 

Sergei was hanging around more in that week too, watching Alex carefully. He looked at Nicky, but didn’t say anything. 

Later, Sergei was still in the locker room even after everyone had gone out to the ice. Nicky was slow to get his skates done up; the medical team had drawn blood, convinced he was sick. 

“I have to.” Nicky said to him when Sergei gave him a skeptical look. Sergei frowned, looking confused.

Oh. 

He didn’t speak English, Nicky realized, flushing pink. 

Sergei grinned at him, looking amused. He mimed a house- a castle, Nicky realized, and nodded. 

Nicky tried. He was better now, his construction more sturdy. He could feel Sergei testing it. He gave an approving nod and made a cutting motion with his hands. 

Nicky let the walls fall. 

He could feel Sergei’s emotions, carefully curated for this moment. Sergei was pushing caution and care, a little bit of worry. A lingering image of Alex. 

Nicky understood the gist- be careful, don’t get hurt, don’t make Alex sad. 

“Ok.” He nodded. 

“Ok.” And then Sergei was gone. At least someone was onboard with Nicky’s plan. 

Alex left to go to the airport in the afternoon and Nicky declared he wanted to take a nap. Predictably, Sasha went too, maybe just to keep an eye on him; maybe because none of them had been sleeping well. 

It was easy to wait until he was asleep and climb out the window, onto the roof. It was slightly more difficult to climb down the backside of the garage, fearing the gutter would give way, but it wasn’t impossible. Nicky looked innocent, but he’d snuck out of his parents house a lot as a child. 

It was overcast, the clouds heavy, but it wasn’t dark out yet. Nicky had maybe an hour before they realized he was gone; he needed to get moving. 

The woods behind Alex’s house went back pretty far, backing up to a large park of some kind. They’d gone hiking there once; it seemed like a long time ago, but it hadn’t been. 

Nicky was too tired and the underbrush was too thick to run much further. He slowed to a walk. 

He heard a branch snap behind him and he turned, seeing the fleeting image of the shadow man. “Help.” He said. 

“Help you?” Nicky asked. 

“Help you.” He repeated, slipping out of existence again. Nicky shivered, but maybe that was just the normal winter chill. He wished he’d been able to bring his actual coat, instead of just Mike’s hoody. 

Eventually, he decided he was far enough away that Sasha and Mike would be safe. He’s been able to feel something following him, but he’d kept up enough walls that it couldn’t touch him. He found a fallen tree that made an adequate bench, knocking the snow off and sitting down. 

Then he lowered his walls. 

It didn’t take long for the spirit to find him. 

Branches bent and creaked with no trace of wind. The sky seemed to darken. Nicky closed his eyes, trying to focus. 

He heard growling and looked up in time to see a black mass dissolve out of sight. 

It wanted him to- it didn’t matter what it wanted him to do. Nicky was already alone in the woods. He couldn’t get much more vulnerable, much more endangered. But if it was here with him, it couldn’t get to Mike or Sasha. 

He could feel it surging around him. Nicky pictured a lighthouse on a rocky outcropping, withstanding all weather to keep others safe. He imagined lighthouse keepers tending the flame, despite the danger. 

He could do this.

It wasn’t enough to keep the spirit away from him. He needed to send it to...well, it didn’t matter where it went- it just needed to leave. It needed to go away forever. 

It was strong, strong from leeching off Nicky like a parasite. 

He wasn’t sure if his plan would work, but he didn’t know any alternatives. 

He opened a door, invited it in. The spirit swarmed inside, insidious and evil. It swirled around his head, a black mass of destruction and chaos. Nicky tried to keep his mind. He tried not to lose focus. 

He could feel himself becoming exhausted and he knew he didn’t have much time to do this. 

In front of him, the shadow man appeared, letting Nicky see his face clearly for the first time. He looked familiar, but Nicky didn’t know where from. He looked worried, maybe even scared. Scared for Nicky.

He thought about Alex, how scared he’d gotten. He thought about the spirit attacking Sasha, imagined it hurting Mike. He was angry with it for doing this to him, for derailing his life so thoroughly. He tried to focus all his anger, all his rage into one place. 

He waited, until it was close enough, until he could feel it draining away his energy and then he let everything detonate. He lashed out as hard as he could, screaming as he did. He hated it, he hated it and he wanted it gone. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and didn’t look up. It was the shadow man. Help you, he’d said. Maybe he was. A hand on his shoulder just like Sasha always did, that kept him focused. 

The fingers squeezed when Nicky’s vision started to go black. He could feel the spirit clawing at him, desperate to hang on, but he pushed harder. He saw stars, everything going dark. 

“Nicklas.” 

He forced his eyes open, exerting every last bit of effort until it was finally gone. He collapsed backwards into the mixture of leaf litter and light snow, panting as he tried to catch his breath. His eyes slid closed and he knew nothing more. 

It was dark when he woke up. Dark, colder, and snowing. He pushed himself up, disoriented. Where was he? What- 

He remembered what happened, feeling suddenly ill. He retched painfully, stomach empty. When did he last eat? What time was it? Why didn’t he bring his phone? Where...where was he, where should he go? Which way?

He was shaking and his hands and toes felt numb. He was alone. 

A light. 

He wasn’t alone. He pushed himself to his feet, dizziness crashing over him. He caught himself on a tree, trying to stay upright. 

The light bobbed, disappearing and reappearing a little further away. Nicky staggered towards it. He followed it for a long time.

He wanted to lay down. He was so tired and it was so hard to think. He wanted to curl up in a ball. He could fall asleep despite the chill. He was so tired. 

“Keep going.” Someone said. Someone speaking Swedish. “Don’t stop.”

The light reappeared and Nicky stumbled after it. Finally, it led him to a road. The park. Nicky knew where he was. He sat down on the curb, head in his hands. 

“It’s ok.” The voice said again. “Keep going.”

“I can’t.” Nicky whispered hoarsely. Tears slipped down his face. 

Sasha and Mike would be trying to find him. Sasha could feel him, maybe. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t- he couldn’t do anymore, he’d already done so much. He was alone, almost, other than the shadow man following him, for the first time in months. Alone, and nothing was trying to hurt him, except for the bitter cold temperatures. 

The irony in surviving a demonic attachment but not a winter's night in the District was enough to force him to his feet again. 

“Good. Keep going.” The shadow man said, slipping into his field of vision for a second. “Good.”

“Who...who are you?” Nicky asked, the act of walking almost leaving him too out of breath. 

There was no answer. 

Nicky made it to the main road, which was devoid of cars. Maybe it was later than he thought. Maybe...he had no idea. 

Headlights in the distance made him pause. He couldn’t...he couldn’t explain to anyone what happened to him. He’d have to make up a lie but he didn’t even have the mental energy for that.

The first car passed him without slowing down. A few minutes later, a second car came down the street. “You’re safe now.” The voice said from behind him. He turned around so fast he fell down, tripping over his own two feet. 

He couldn’t get up. He was safe- did that mean?-

The car stopped just ahead of him and he didn’t bother to lift his head. 

“Kolya?!”

“Jesus, Nicky, what happened? What the fuck?” Mike asked, scrambling to get him. “Oh my god, you’re ok. You’re ok.” Mike was crying, Sasha was crying. 

They helped him sit up and Mike quickly took off his coat, wrapping it around him. It was warm. It smelled like Mike. Nicky let Sasha wrap him up in his arms, his head bowed as he sobbed. 

“Let’s get him up.” Mike decided. “It’s too cold.” 

They helped Nicky into the backseat and Sasha crawled in with him, not wanting to let go. Mike cranked up the heat and called Alex as he started towards the house.

“He’s ok.” Nicky heard him say. “He’s safe.” 

“That’s- fuck, good, thank you, thank you for-“

“It’s done.” Nicky said. “I did it.” His voice was rough.

“You- you did it?”

“It’s gone.” Nicky said. 

“Nicky…” Alex trailed off. 

Sasha hugged him tighter. “Scare us so bad.” He whispered into Nicky’s hair. “Scare me.” 

“Couldn’t let it hurt you.” Nicky murmured, closing his eyes. Distantly, he heard Mike promise they would send Alex an update on Nicky when they got home. 

Home was still Alex’s place; it was where they usually crashed anyway, after a long night or a long road trip. Sasha might not have been back to his apartment in months- all his things were in the dresser in the guest room. It was where they’d been staying since the haunting got bad. Alex’s house felt inherently safe. 

Once inside, Sasha decided that Nicky needed a hot bath. The blond was filthy and shivering. Mike steered him into the walk-in shower to rinse off while Sasha filled the tub. 

“This ok?” Mike asked, skimming off his clothes and following after him. “I kinda don’t trust you to stay vertical.” 

“It’s ok.” Nicky said. 

“Fuck, Nicky...never do that again, ok?”

Nicky looked down at the dirty water running off of him, some blood mingled in. “I couldn’t let it hurt you.” He said softly. 

“We thought you died.” Mike said, grabbing shampoo and lathering up Nicky’s hair, maybe just to have something to do with his hands, maybe just to stay close. “Alex was gonna fly back in the morning.” 

“I’m ok.” 

“You’ll be ok.” Mike agreed warily. “Not ok now.”

It wasn’t worth fighting, especially since Mike was right. 

The bath was the perfect temperature and Nicky could’ve fallen asleep in it. Sasha tangled a hand in his hair, his blunt nails scratching against his scalp rhythmically. 

“I’m sorry.” Nicky said. “I...It would’ve hurt you.” He reached up and touched the healing, barely visible scratch on Sasha’s cheek. 

“Could feel...feel how scared you were and then…nothing. Nothing for hours. Thought you were dead.” His voice cracked and he dropped his head. 

“We tried to find you but we didn’t know where to look.” Mike explained when it became clear Sasha couldn’t talk without falling apart. “We thought if we got close enough, maybe Sasha could feel you, but it didn’t work.”

“Oh.” Nicky looked down. “I’m sorry.” 

“We thought...we called Ovi, he was so-“ Mike shook his head. “We thought you were dead.” He repeated. “Ovi thought-“

Nicky swallowed hard, unable to hold back tears. 

“Fell asleep.” Sasha said, wiping his own face dry on the back of his hand. “And then...woke up. You were so...lost.” 

“Yeah.”

“I thought...I thought the wood made sense and the park was close so...we were driving there when we found you.” Mike said. 

“Thank you.” 

Mike laughed, a tight watery sound. “Nicky, buddy...never do that again, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed. But he would, if he knew it would keep them safe. 

He fell asleep that night between them in bed, his body covered in bruises and scrapes, but finally warm. When he awoke in the morning, Sasha was wrapped around him tightly, never letting go. 

“You scared him.” Mike said, watching them. “I mean, you scared the shit out of all of us, but...you really scared Sasha.” 

“It was going to hurt you.”

“I know.” Mike soothed. “I think...I think it kind of did anyway.” 

Nicky’s breath caught in his chest and he nodded. “Yeah.” 

“Go back to sleep.” Mike decided. “I’ll make breakfast in a bit.” 

Nicky woke up long enough to eat waffles and then fell back asleep on the couch, his hand gripping tight to the edge of Sasha’s hoody, keeping him close. He didn’t want to be so alone ever again. 

When he woke up the next time, Alex was level with his face, only inches away. Nicky startled and Alex managed a thin smile. “You...the game…” 

“I’m sick, can’t you see?” Alex said, smirking. “Had to go rest.” 

“You left?” 

“This, more important.” Alex shrugged. “Up, up. Let me see you.”

Mike and Sasha had already inspected him for injuries and not found anything major, but Nicky let Alex do it himself. He had cuts on his hands and his face, he had bruises across his torso and on his knees. Alex hugged him tight and kissed the top of his head. 

“I’m sorry.” Nicky said again. “Didn’t want to scare you.” 

“I know.” Alex nodded. “You’re an idiot, but...proud of you. Stronger than you thought.”

“I...I had help.” Nicky said. “The shadow man...he’s not the bad thing.”

“No? Who is he?”

“I don’t know.” Nicky admitted. 

Alex nodded. “Maybe we do something to the house, something to keep ghosts out.”

“I thought you said that wouldn’t work.” Mike said. 

Alex shrugged. “Works a little. Maybe...maybe just makes me feel better.” He admitted. 

Nicky shook his head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” Alex looked up.

“Not all of them are bad.” 

“No?” Alex looked curious. 

Nicky didn’t know if he should tell him, but he must be dying to know. “They like to visit, sometimes.” He said slowly. 

“Oh.” Alex closed his mouth, looking down. “My...does…”

“Yeah. A lot.” Nicky admitted. “Likes to see you happy.” 

“Oh.” Alex covered his mouth with his hand, eyes closed. He looked up at Nicky with tearful eyes. “Can you tell him thank you? Next time you see, I mean.”

Nicky shook his head. “I don’t speak Russian.” 

Alex threw his head back with laughter, hugging Nicky tight and kissing his forehead. He had Alex, he had Sasha and Mike right beside him. Life was good. 

Epilogue:

It was over a month later than Nicky got an email from his aunt. He was leaning against Alex’s bare chest, Mike snoring nearby while Sasha worked on a puzzle on the coffee table. Mike had been helping, or at least, Mike had been moving pieces around and disrupting whatever system Sasha had until he’d fallen asleep. 

The TV was down low and Alex was mostly watching Sasha instead. Sasha chewed on his lip as he tried to find where the piece in his hand went, studying the box carefully. 

Nicky clicked on the email. 

‘Nickas- I found this picture of your grandfather.’ It read. ‘He died a long time before you were born, but we always thought you looked alike. Doesn’t he look handsome?’

He clicked the attachment and a picture opened. He drew a shot breath, enough that Alex looked at him. 

“Ok?” He asked. Nicky turned the screen so Alex could see. “Oh. Looks like you.” He said easily. 

“My grandfather.” Nicky said. 

It was a picture from his grandparents wedding. His grandmother looked beautiful, laughing, and his grandfather was smiling too. He was wearing a suit and a hat and a dimpled grin. 

“Oh, ok.” Alex nodded.

“Hes...I didn’t know him. I mean...I didn’t know him when he was…”

Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh. He’s your shadow man?” 

“Yeah.”

Alex smiled, kissing Nicky’s cheek. “Good. He’s watching out for you.”

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. “I guess he is.”

**Author's Note:**

> CW: mentioned spirit trying to convince a person to harm themselves or others. Mentioned death of others. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I originally wanted this to be Alex/Nicky, but it turns out I love Sasha and Mike too much to leave them out.


End file.
